Marry me. Give me corndogs

Melissa via SMS

but not really. if that makes sense

jamison

forked - a term for code editing

not

Can you send me a trace route from where you are coming from to the site that is having the problem at my data center where I sit ?

the network engineer they *escalated* to

dance mofo

heath

If you no longer wish to receive emails from your local Williams-Sonoma store, please call us at 615-555-5555.

actual email signature from the manager of the green hills store

sacrifice

kmarcum

His name is Jim The Sicko, and he is waiting to hear from someone

google voice transcription of my voicemail

i wear the gray for the kinda poor and the sorta beaten down livin in the sorta okay, not bad, not good part of town

cwage, the man in gray

Teyo Tyree has added skills: PostgreSQL, MySQL, Unix, and 20 more

LinkedIn update

i unknowingly set off a behavior in the congresswoman's disabled daughter yesterday and she started kicking and screaming and had to be restrained. the feds are coming for me.

a real text from kmarcum's sister, who was never heard from again

he called the shit poop!

evan, later tonight

why fix [the problem] when you can just work around it?

heath

iPhone 5C: For the colorful.

Apple's actual marketing slogan for their low-end phone