if you then you
— the brotherhood of evil lesbians (@obiwormkenobi) April 6, 2018
donât love donât
me deserve
at my me at my pic.twitter.com/GQslXNKyxR
I'm from the island of Java, Indonesia.
— Jesslyn 🇮🇩 (@jtannady) April 4, 2018
I am the Java Garbage Collector. pic.twitter.com/R5kfKYfP6c
When youâve put away 2 waffles, 3 eggs, and double hashbrowns at Waffle House, but then you see the sausage patty pic.twitter.com/3fpOSiO4Dv
— On The Forecheck (@OnTheForecheck) April 6, 2018
I stood beside my father's bed as he died. One of my kids nearly died as an infant. I stood and prayed with and for a woman dying before her kids were two. I find it's very easy to wish someone would die in the abstract and very hard to concretely wish it.
— (((â ))) (@ThomasHCrown) April 4, 2018
i had a long talk. with my fren. about how to spot. a fake ball throw. the optimal strategy. is to follow the ball. with your eyes. instead of your heart
— Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) January 27, 2018
There's a new Presidents' Trophy winner this year.
— NHL (@NHL) April 6, 2018
Your champions, the @PredsNHL! #StanleyCup pic.twitter.com/qtJ40R7JZu
A Dactyl Manuform printed with wood-infused plastic: https://t.co/9Oq2s9BVEx pic.twitter.com/sycVJnBSC4
— @adereth@mathstodon.xyz (@adereth) April 5, 2018
When you go hard on the queso but then your tacos arrive: pic.twitter.com/9TpqBfMMqU
— Torchy's Tacos (@torchystacos) April 5, 2018
We'll be performing a database migration on April 5, starting at 01:00 PDT (08:00 GMT). We expect roughly an hour of downtime. Login, authentication, and other https://t.co/vJgq0QSTa2 services will be temporarily unavailable. https://t.co/Q5DWwwgN91
— Plex (@plex) April 5, 2018
With all due respect to @themasters, allow me to put my 6 Green Jackets in the closet for a moment and say that I donât know if I have had a more special day on a golf course. To have your grandson make his first hole-in-one on this stage.... WOW! #Family #memoryofalifetime pic.twitter.com/3TSLwlV0m9
— Jack Nicklaus (@jacknicklaus) April 4, 2018
Catch our table on Broadway all day today.
— Bridgestone Arena (@BrdgstoneArena) April 4, 2018
.@PredsNHL care to join us? pic.twitter.com/WhywxgALLu
We donât deserve dogs pic.twitter.com/yTWLICRq7p
— Sof Andrade âï¸ (@sof_andrade) April 4, 2018
Dear @nhl I love you and I always will but @PredsNHL were robbed tonight.
— Kiefer Sutherland (@RealKiefer) April 4, 2018
CHSâ latest headache: A lawsuit from Microsoft:https://t.co/ypoQZm91sP
— Nashville Business Journal (@nashvillebiz) April 4, 2018
Active shooter at YouTube HQ. Heard shots and saw people running while at my desk. Now barricaded inside a room with coworkers.
— Vadim Lavrusik (@Lavrusik) April 3, 2018
https://t.co/Y2Phv4yUdo, the Web site for the bakery-cafe chain by the same name, leaked millions of customer records -- including names, DOBs, email/street addresses, last 4 of credit card -- until today: https://t.co/S3sIx99HyG Worst part: They were first notified 8 months ago pic.twitter.com/QBw5lj6FmD
— briankrebs (@briankrebs) April 2, 2018
Fun Fact: most of the bullies attacking these students wouldnât last one day at the US Army Infantry School. I would know. I commanded it. #VetsVsTheNRA pic.twitter.com/Lo0ARtJaW6
— Major General (ret) Paul Eaton (@PaulDEaton52) April 1, 2018
Geordi,
— Worf Email (@WorfEmail) March 7, 2018
Is there a way to enter our authorization codes by typing them instead of speaking aloud to the computer? Several crew members have complained that they need to memorize a new code after each use because coworkers overheard them.
Worf
440 is such a disaster that it has to be repaired in order to be repaired https://t.co/L6W8RC9qXr
— J.R. Lind (@jrlind) April 2, 2018
Because "CRAZY HAPPENED" with a #16 beating a #1 (!!!!), everyone in America gets a free #LittleCaesars Lunch Combo on Monday, April 2nd.
— Little Caesars Pizza (@littlecaesars) March 17, 2018
Congratulations & see our OFFICIAL RULES for more details: https://t.co/vHuy8315ee pic.twitter.com/8KGbskGFxt
"The intentionality of an agent with behavior sufficiently indistinguishable from malice, is irrelevant." (JJ's razor > Hanlon's 😉.) @cr1901
— JJ (@CTZN5) June 6, 2016
My son Elliot wants everybody to know that when Snoop Dogg is 60, in dog years heâll be 420.
— Tycho Brahe (@TychoBrahe) April 2, 2018
"17 cents per day" is in reference to the first sales tax bump, which will yield $44 million per year (based on 2016 spending numbers) averaged per capita (which is already dumb)
— cwage (@cwage) March 5, 2018
Update: #Tiangong1 re-entered Earth's atmosphere at 2am and was 'mostly' destroyed - heading for coast of Sao Paulo, Brazilhttps://t.co/Oz2OqCHjYu pic.twitter.com/FX8Rf1e4PD
— The Sun (@TheSun) April 2, 2018
